Spring has sprung!

The daffodils are up and winter is behind us!

I was asked recently by someone about how to recover from a heavy winter. This winter has been hard - financially, medically and mentally for many. My answer to most questions is ‘action’!

How would you live if you could live any way you chose? 

Would you live alone or with others?
Would you have pets and plants?
Would you have a tiny space or a big space?
What colour would you paint your walls? 
What would your rooms look like?

How heavy is your load?
How much do you currently have in your emotional basket?

Most of my life, I have carried a load. Many would say it is self-inflicted weight that I carry around! Being an over-responsible rescuer who identifies as capable is not easy! 

I am off to China next month - I am very excited.

The tour run to China is all about choices.

We start the day with the most extraordinary breakfast. The most insane array of options on a buffet. Tables and tables of options!

We do a lot of shopping - the size and population of China give us so many more options than what is available in a country the size of NZ.

There are never-ending options all able to be made into the size, colour or design of your choice!

My daughter learnt ballet from a very traditional and strict ballet teacher. The teacher taught her students everything in French. As well as learning very precise new moves they also had loads of new terminology to get their heads around.

After each class, I would ask the girls what they learnt. My youngest daughter Tilly was seven years old and came home to show me her latest learning. Standing on her tippy toes with both arms stretched above her head.

I asked Tilly what her new position was called and she replied, "It's called the hard bit!"

I ran a workshop a couple of weeks ago and spent lunchtime chatting with some beautiful women. Clever, exhausted women. Women who do a lot. We were talking about energy and where we needed more of it in our lives.

One of the women bravely remarked that she would like more energy to ‘put out for my husband’. The official definition of the phrase ‘put out means to ‘lay something out ready for use! The US slang means to agree to have sex. I laughed at this woman's honesty but on a deeper chat she told me that she was actually feeling guilty for not being ‘a good enough wife’. I prodded a bit more about what her husband did to be a good husband. He’s amazing, she said. He mows the lawns and cleans the car and does any jobs that I ask him!

I have a wonderful friend called Rosie who I met a few weeks after she moved to NZ from Korea. Her English was very limited and we had hilarious conversations and a few games of charades to communicate when we first met.

One day we were talking about our families and she asked me, “In your house, are you plenty power?” I asked her what she meant. Rosie said,”I am in charge. I am a powerful woman. I am plenty power”. Oh yes I said laughing - I am plenty power too!

As humans, we have lots of different needs.

We need to look after ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally. One of our most important needs is the need for connection.

Connection is super important - people who feel more connected to others have lower levels of anxiety and depression. They have higher self-esteem, greater empathy for others and are generally more trusting.

I am a big fan of having something to look forward to. It moves me into one of my favourite energies - excitement!

When we are excited about something our effort levels increase. We are also more willing to make sacrifices to achieve something that matters to us.

Assumptions are a huge problem.

Many of us tend to live thinking that we are all the same. That we have similar experiences and backgrounds. I love learning about differences. As a super curious human, I am always asking questions. (I am very nosy and judgemental.) I do not apologise for this! I want to know about other people. The more I know, the better I can relate to them. As someone who spends a lot of time helping and developing humans, I am judgmental so I can triage you into ways I can help. We must always be always listening. People give you constant clues as to what they are about. What they love, what they value, what scares them.

I have just attended two big events filled with incredible women. Women who are professional supporters. Women who run the worlds of others. Executive assistants, Business Managers & Professional Assistants. They are incredible. The perfect blend of capable, caring and committed. They get things done. They make shit happen. Often quietly and without applause.

These women (and a few good men who are in the profession) do not get the acknowledgement that they deserve. Part of that stems from the problem that they do not appreciate how amazing they are! They do not value themselves. Your value is the difference between what you get and what you deserve.

What do I want?

This is a question I ask myself about 30 times a day…

It’s a check-in. It’s my mind asking my body what it wants. It’s my body asking my heart what it wants. It’s my stomach asking my taste buds what I want…

“What you want leads you to what you need.”

I am fascinated by relationships. Fascinated by people and their relationships with their people.

I think that there are two types of relationships: Incidental and Intentional.

Incidental relationships are those that come free with your life! They are born out of necessity and obligation. They are necessary. A coworker you ‘have to’ work with, a flatmate you have to ‘live with’ or a family member that you ‘have to’ tolerate. These relationships can have a huge impact on your energy if they are not managed with some awareness.

We all know how important water is to us as humans. Our bodies are made up of around 70% water depending on our age, weight and gender. Water regulates body temperature and supports digestion, elimination and the creation of new cells. Water lubricates our joints and protects our brains, spinal column and organs from trauma.

I love people who are different. People who do things differently, learn differently and are diverse in their thinking. I have always thought that being the same is a shame!

Finding people who are “like us” can be both comforting and affirming but learning about people’s difference is one of my favourite things.

Being born to a tiny mother really helped me with my body image. I was bigger than my mother when I was 11! My first bra was bigger than hers is now! I realised that there was nothing to do but accept the body I had. I was constantly compared to my mum, with people commenting about how tiny she was (and quietly judging that I was not!).

Someone once told me that dogs don’t compare themselves to other dogs. Corgis don’t go around wishing they were greyhounds; they just get on with being the best corgis that they can be. My mum was a chihuahua; I was a Labrador. There was nothing that could be done.

1. Get to know yourself.
Know what you are like and what you do like. Learning about yourself is your job. Listen to what the world says about you and decide what you want to offer the world.

2. Get your needs met.
While we are very similar - each of us has particular needs. We all have preferences. Things we like and don’t like, need and don’t need. It is your job to get your needs met, to complete yourself. It's tempting to lean on others but being codependent on a partner, spouse, sibling or friend is not the best way to live your life!

How good is your relationship with your body?

Our relationships with our bodies are often difficult. When we are young, we often think that we are bulletproof. We think that our bodies will do what we want. We choose to do terrible things to our bodies in exchange for being thin, or fun, or a good time at a party.

I had the most amazing Mother's Day - I got to help my eldest daughter with her first-ever art exhibition. At the ripe old age of 23. So clever and so brave.

We had lots of people through - friends, family and people off the street. The exhibition was an amazing collection of street art, paintings and poetry. It was extraordinary. I heard one guy say out loud ‘I could have done that’ while looking at one of the canvases. It took me all my time not to say something to him.

The reality is maybe he could have. The truth is that he didn’t.

Being a Mother is the hardest job that I have ever done.

It requires me to be hard and soft, relaxed and astute, brave and vulnerable.

From the moment that you find out you are pregnant, you start putting the baby's needs ahead of your own. You stop eating certain foods, you no longer allow yourself the joys of coffee or wine!

And once they are born your life is unrecognisable. Nothing is the same. Not your body, not your relationships and not your timetable.