Assumptions
Assumptions are a huge problem.
Many of us tend to live thinking that we are all the same. That we have similar experiences and backgrounds. I love learning about differences. As a super curious human, I am always asking questions. (I am very nosy and judgemental.) I do not apologise for this! I want to know about other people. The more I know, the better I can relate to them. As someone who spends a lot of time helping and developing humans, I am judgmental so I can triage you into ways I can help. We must always be always listening. People give you constant clues as to what they are about. What they love, what they value, what scares them.
I love learning about people, about what makes them tick, what motivates them and how I can understand them better.
These are five of my favourite questions to ask people:
How did you celebrate birthdays and Christmas?
What was your favourite toy as a child?
What has been the greatest challenge of your life?
What is something that you are deeply passionate about?
What is the kindest thing anyone has ever done for you?
There are loads of ways we can learn about people. Enneagram is one of my favourite tools. It provides deep insights about your emotions, motivations, and values. It can help you to better understand what drives you and how to make decisions that are right for you. It also helps you understand others. I have been fascinated by how learning about my family's enneagram numbers has changed the way I interact and respond to them.
The Enneagram is an ancient system that identifies nine different personality types. Each of the nine personality types is defined by a particular core belief about how the world works. Each person has a dominant profile and a wing which is a number on either side of their profile number. A Reformer type might be a 1:9 or a 1:2. A Challenger might be an 8:7 or an 8:9.
To find out your type, I suggest doing your own research. There are loads of quizzes and platforms. Do not let anyone ‘tell you’ what you are! My favourite Enneagram book is What's Your Enneatype?
1. The Reformer: A rational, idealistic type:
Principled, Purposeful, Self-Controlled, and Perfectionistic
2. The Helper: A caring, interpersonal type:
Demonstrative, Generous, People-Pleasing, and Possessive
3. The Achiever: A success-oriented, pragmatic type:
Adaptive, Excelling, Driven, and Image-Conscious
4. The Individualist: A sensitive, withdrawn type:
Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental
5. The Investigator: An intense cerebral type:
Perceptive, Innovative, Secretive, and Isolated
6. The Loyalist: A committed, security-oriented type:
Engaging, Responsible, Anxious, and Suspicious
7. The Enthusiast: A busy, fun-loving type:
Spontaneous, Versatile, Distractible, and Scattered
8. The Challenger: A powerful, dominating type.
Self-confident, Decisive, Wilful, and Confrontational
9. The Peacemaker: An easy-going, self-effacing type.
Receptive, Reassuring, Agreeable, and Complacent
When we assume that people are like us or motivated by the same things, we miss out. We miss out on really understanding and knowing them. Henry Winkler famously said that ‘assumptions are the termites of relationships!’ Those of you who are as old as me know that 'The Fonz’ cannot be wrong!
“Assumptions are the termites of relationships.”
Henry Winkler.
