Mother's Day
Being a Mother is the hardest job that I have ever done.
It requires me to be hard and soft, relaxed and astute, brave and vulnerable.
From the moment that you find out you are pregnant, you start putting the baby's needs ahead of your own. You stop eating certain foods, you no longer allow yourself the joys of coffee or wine!
And once they are born your life is unrecognisable. Nothing is the same. Not your body, not your relationships and not your timetable.
Becoming a Mother dramatically changed how I saw my own Mother. I could not believe that someone had done so much for me, I had not been aware of the late nights, the broken sleep, the compromise that my own Mother had made for me. My heroes changed as well. Before children, my role models were women who carried briefcases and wore suits - I was suddenly in awe of any woman who was brave enough to attend a supermarket with two or more children!
The thing that makes Mothering hard is the fact that we are not trained to meet our own needs, to ask people for help, for support, for time or for a hug. We are trained to be independent and self-sufficient. We are more isolated than ever before and as we sit at home watching other people's ‘perfect lives on social media channels, we wrongly assume that we are the only people struggling.
The ironic thing about motherhood is at the time a new human arrives in your life - you need to be ruthless about putting yourself first. I am often asked by younger Mothers how to cope with the ever-demanding role of being a Mother. My answer is simple.
You need to do more - more they cry! Are you kidding?
I am drowning in my to-do list already….
You need to do more of what makes you happy. More of what makes you feel good.
Heard the saying Happy Wife, Happy Life? Well, what about “Happy Mumma, Happy Bubba!”
“You are the only person who can give your children a Happy Mother!”
You being happy is one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids. Children do not want to be raised by resentful, angry, grumpy people. They want to grow up surrounded by people who are happy, healthy and whole.
Learning to ask for your needs to be met is vital. You are worthy of love and support. You do not have to be perfect to be worthy. Having your needs met is something that we are very bad at doing. It stems from an upbringing where we have been made to believe that it is selfish - often coming from our Mothers' unmet needs and their belief around that.
What do you need right now?
Maybe it's a day to yourself? A night out with friends? A sleep-in?
How can you make that happen?
Decide what it is that you want - this is easier said than done! What would have the most impact on your life right now? A clean house? A full night's sleep? Going somewhere fun? Thinking about what you want is not easy when you haven’t done it for a long time!
Make a plan. Who and what do you need for this to happen? Who can you ask? Who can you pay? Work out all the things that need to happen for you to make this happen.
Allow no doubt. Once you have made plans, do not cancel. It is vital that you become a priority. Short of hospital visits and tornados - make sure this happens.
Be aware of guilt. Don’t feel guilty or say ‘it doesn’t matter’. You do matter and you have to insist on that! Once you commit to yourself, then treat it like a commitment to anyone else. Honour it.
I am obsessed with women being happy and I love to create opportunities for this to happen. Opportunities you may be interested in coming up…
Shanghai Shopping September 21st - 29th
A week of fun and culture and affordable luxury!
I have just returned from my first trip in 5 years and it was incredible! Incredible food, phenomenal shopping and unbelievable sights to see. If you want a week full of new experiences, some gorgeous tailor-made clothing and a group of fun women to share it all with, then this might be the trip for you!
Repotted Retreat: 22nd - 24th October
Repotted is a three-day retreat designed to give you space, clarity and connection. Three days to connect to other people curious about what is next in their worlds. Take some time in the beautiful Coromandel being nourished and nurtured.
