Human Connection

As humans, we have lots of different needs.

We need to look after ourselves physically, mentally and emotionally. One of our most important needs is the need for connection.

Connection is super important - people who feel more connected to others have lower levels of anxiety and depression. They have higher self-esteem, greater empathy for others and are generally more trusting.

Social connection is vital to our health and well-being. Interacting with people is so hard-wired into human behaviour that it makes sense that our relationships or lack of them significantly influence our well-being. Human connections can be just as important to physical and mental health as exercise and healthy eating. 

I am very big on getting my needs met and have realised over time that we have many different needs when it comes to connection.

We need physical intimacy:
All humans need to be touched. Non sexual touch is essential because it communicates emotions to others which stimulates the production of oxytocin. Oxytocin makes us feel good! Touch can be a powerful way of communicating emotions non-verbally. Hugs, holding hands, a shoulder touch or massage.
Who touches you?

We need emotional intimacy:
Having someone who understands how you feel, who understands your perspective on things is a wonderful form of emotional support. 
Who understands you?

We need intellectual intimacy:
Mental stimulation. Someone who makes you think.
Who stimulates and inspires you?

We need experiential intimacy:
This is a bond formed from a deep experience. Studying together, travelling together, attending events. These are the people who you have shared experiences with - someone who had a baby at the same time as you, who you went to school with, who you work with or have been on holiday with. It's where the saying ‘what goes on tour stays on tour’ comes from.
Who have you shared incredible experiences with?

The craziest thing about humans is that we expect a few or sometimes even one person to meet all of these needs. We also have a weird idea that we should be able to be everything to some people meeting all of these needs. Think about your people and who meets all the needs listed above. What are you lacking?

Some of these needs can be outsourced.
Physical intimacy can come from a massage therapist if you don’t have anyone in your life who touches you on a consistent basis.
Emotional intimacy can come from a counsellor or therapist. Someone who you can unpack your thoughts and feelings with.
Intellectual intimacy can come from a coach or mentor, someone who pushes, extends and helps develop your mind!
Experiential intimacy can be reinvigorated by arranging a catch-up or reunion with the people you once shared something with.