I have always thought of my life as a movie.

Different phases, different times, different movies. I find it useful. I believe that I am an actor working through the scenes that I have been given. Often I do not know how the scene will end, I am not the director. I am the actor, whose role is to do the best job I can with the people, the scenes and the costumes that I am given!

As I get older, I’m finding the things that give me pleasure are simpler. I like to watch birds. I watch the quality of light at the start and end of the day. I sing really loudly to a stupid song. Taking the time to do the things that make us glow and feel good inside is not a luxury, it is an essential part of living well.

Every morning my alarm goes. The wonders of my modern iPhone mean that I get to name my alarm. My morning alarm says ‘The world needs you’.

As soon as I see that I am propelled out of bed, it’s the perfect reminder. I think that we are all here for a reason. I believe that the world needs each of us or quite simply we would not be here.

Og Mandino is one of my favourite authors. At the back of his little book “The Greatest Miracle in the World” is the ‘God Memorandum’.

It speaks to me of 10 of my favourite values.

Feeling worthy is a huge human challenge. I have never met anyone who has not been met by ‘a wall of worthlessness’ at some point in their lives.

Some people have a bigger struggle than others. The definition of self-worth is ‘a sense of one’s own value as a human being.’ It has the word ‘self’ in it which means that no one else can fix this for you. Self-worth, self-love, self-esteem are all solo endeavours. It's about building a relationship with yourself and seeing yourself for who you are rather than who you have been told you are.

One of the meanings of the word ‘over’ means being in excess.

I have been ‘in excess’ my whole life!

I am over-responsible, I overeat, overtalk, overspend, overcompensate, overdeliver and overdo most things!

And I refuse to make myself wrong for any of it.

The disease of resentment is alive and well in so many people that I meet. They are resentful that their friends' lives turned out better than theirs, that they aren't as thin or rich or successful as they had planned! Resentment can deplete your emotional energy.

I don’t know about you but I have felt behind all of this year. Like I have been several steps behind where I want to be or what I want to do. So I have a plan!

Let’s cancel March. Let’s catch up!

If we put a line through March then we have four weeks to get ready for April. Take that April fool!!!

Do you feel supported by life?
It’s a big question.

I love the idea that life happens to us. That we are being directed by a director. Your director can be whoever you appoint. Someone or something much bigger than you.

I love certainty. If I am being entirely honest, I also love being right!

You know that feeling of ‘I know what to do here’ but people disregard you, don’t listen and then it turns out you were right?! And you are there thinking ‘I knew that all along!😏

But being right is not always right. I notice a need to be right as we age. I am not sure if it is the frustration of ‘young people’ or the desire to be heard.

Regardless of why, I have been experimenting lately with ‘maybe’. Maybe keeps me curious. Maybe means possibly but not certainly. Possibility is something I am keen on! Possibility thinking is the willingness to see possibilities everywhere instead of limitations.

We think that our problems are so special and unique that we cover them up - we bury them in shame, convinced we are the only person to experience what we are dealing with.

‘Fitting in’ is a huge part of being human. Often, we create stories around fitting in - these stories often start with “I’ve always been an outsider.”, "I've never been in the cool group.”, “I don’t see that I can add any value.” and the old chestnut “I have never felt good enough.”

Every one of us had to deal with these feelings. You are a smart, qualified adult human and then - bam- one drop in confidence and you become the scared, awkward kid you were at 13 years old.

Your job as an adult is to rise above your pathology and become who you want to be. Your past doesn't have to define you. While it may not be easy, you can decide to change and move forward as a different version of yourself.

I have a wonderful friend called Rosie who I met a few weeks after she moved to NZ from Korea. Her English was very limited and we had hilarious conversations and a few games of charades to communicate when we first met.

We were talking about our families and she asked me, “In your house, are you plenty power?” I asked her what she meant. Rosie said, "In my house, I am in charge. I am powerful woman. I am plenty power.” "Oh yes," I said - "I am plenty power too!"

I love this saying and use it a lot. Rosie was talking about the difference between our cultures and how she saw NZ women as ‘modern women’ unlike some traditional Korean women who were expected to be very subservient to their husbands and children.

None of us were created to do life on our own. As humans, we were designed to support each other. We are social beings who need others to enhance our lives. The interesting thing about modern living is that we have become unhelpfully independent. We have become crazy, capable, stressed-out little islands who have lost the ability to ask for help or even notice when help is required!

My husband and I still live in the small town that we grew up in. We get asked all the time why we have never moved. Raising our children close to their grandparents was very important to us. Being working parents of four children, we knew that we were going to need some help, so it was a deliberate plan.

In 2018, I wrote a book called “Juggling in High Heels”. It was about managing chaos. It was written for women who wanted to have it all. I have always believed that women can have, do and be whatever they want. I do believe that women can have ‘it all’ but I am wise enough to know that we cannot have it all at the same time.

We have to be conscious about who and what we are being at every moment.

The problem with the ‘have it all’ philosophy is that we are sandwiched in a weird space.

We have pushed past the limited beliefs of our Mothers. We know that we can have the careers we want, we have raised powerful daughters who know their worth. We demand more from our men as meaningful partners than was asked of our fathers.

Learning to like the person that we are, I believe, is some of the most important work that we can do in our lives. There is no doubt that we are stuck with ourselves. The relationship that we have with ourselves is without a doubt the most powerful one.

We cannot get away! There is a lot to learn and a lot to understand. We need to make peace with our bodies, we need to understand our minds and we need to connect with our souls.

You and your body are in an arranged marriage. It's time to commit to what your body needs and wants to make your life work. Rolling around in a body you hate, one that isn’t fit for purpose is not a wonderful way to live.

I had a huge response to my blog on Tuesday about exhausted providers.

There are a lot of people starting 2024 with a hangover from 2023. They might have ‘been away’ but they are still exhausted.

They are tired. Tired of trying. Tired of being disappointed. Tired of feeling misunderstood.

Not physically tired but they are ‘soul tired’. They are depleted from doing everything for everyone else and nothing that lights them up.

You might think you are stuck. That you are unmotivated. After being in survival for so long most of us are depleted.

And the answer is selfishness! It’s time to be selfish. It’s time to stop self-sacrificing.

You might be one. You might know one.

Exhausted providers are capable. Good at what they do. They are able to solve problems, sort shit out, they constantly come up with solutions.

They are committed. They are wonderful parents, workers, bosses and friends. They do what they say they are going to. They don’t like letting people down.

They care. They are kind and in service to others. They want their people to be happy. They often give at the expense of themselves.

The world offered us a big promise. We were promised that if we were ‘good’ and if we did all the right things, then we would be rewarded. We would be happy.