The Modern Woman Juggle
In 2018, I wrote a book called “Juggling in High Heels”. It was about managing chaos. It was written for women who wanted to have it all. I have always believed that women can have, do and be whatever they want. I do believe that women can have ‘it all’ but I am wise enough to know that we cannot have it all at the same time.
We have to be conscious about who and what we are being at every moment.
The problem with the ‘have it all’ philosophy is that we are sandwiched in a weird space.
We have pushed past the limited beliefs of our Mothers. We know that we can have the careers we want, we have raised powerful daughters who know their worth. We demand more from our men as meaningful partners than was asked of our fathers.
Society has undergone huge shifts that have given us more supposed freedom and opportunities. But the juggling metaphor still has so much weight. Many of us are juggling so many life roles. The professional woman, mother, lover, wife, achiever, daughter, friend, confidante…
At what cost? I often feel like I have my feet in two seperate boats.
The masculine career, achievement boat where I am an action woman doing all the getting. And the feminine one where I am caring and inservice to every fucker that walks my way. It’s a train smash of energy. It’s a cluster fuck of ideals.
I have been raised by women who provide homes, who cook and bake and care and have then thrown myself at the feet of male mentors who taught me about ambition, cleverness and supposed success. I have ended up a weird hybrid of power, independence, nurturing and commitment. It’s no wonder we burn out. No wonder women in our generation are disillusioned.
We end up disconnected from ourselves, separated from our souls because remaining connected becomes another thing to do. Sadly the thing we leave out is the thing we need to do the most. We need to reconnect. Losing ourselves is the worst loss. The grief, the anger and the despair in no longer knowing who you are, what you want or what you need is awful. And necessary. It's part of the agitation.
In the early 1940s, Winston Churchill said, “Never let a good crisis go to waste.” I love the idea of using a crisis as an opportunity to do things that you have never done before. A crisis might sound dramatic but I can tell you, I meet women in internal crisis every day. They are busy women. Doing all the stuff. Running around after everyone and then something else gets added to the pile. An illness, a tragedy or the disruption of menopause.
So many women are neatly packaged parcels of trauma. I call them trauma wontons! They have held it together for so long. Carefully held together by thin pastry, they spend most of their waking hours avoiding anything leaking out (and I am not even talking about LBL!) They are one thing away from falling apart.
We all have bits of us that we are hiding. Neatly packed parts that we do not want the world to see. Everything looks ‘fine’ on the outside but inside you feel like a shambles. You avoid anyone who might 'pierce your pastry'!
If you are feeling ‘crisisish’, I urge you to take action. To lie down before you fall down. To take a break before you break. Taking action is not easy when you are exhausted. Find someone to lean on. Reach out to someone who will understand.
Gather the energy you do have and do something nice for yourself. Take yourself away, give yourself some space.
The 1st of Feb is the perfect time to announce a year of space. Space to be you, to experience you. Space without compromise, without sacrifice.
The Big Love Challenge starts today - if you want 14 days dedicated to you. Two weeks of inspired action and fun to start the year loving yourself and your life - its free - join me here.
