You Are Not That Special!

That's something I said to a woman at my Repotted Retreat last weekend. As humans, we have this weird delusion that we are all so special. That our set of problems is unique. That we are the only ones dealing with big stuff. The truth is that we are all dealing with big stuff. Everyday
We think that our problems are so special and unique that we cover them up - we bury them in shame, convinced we are the only person to experience what we are dealing with.

The truth is there is nothing you are dealing with that some other human hasn't already experienced. I can understand why you would think that given how weird we are about disclosing our shit. Most of us are masters of disguise. In a permanent state of pretending.

Sharing a problem often feels like a leap. I am an excellent problem solver so sharing problems is something I have less experience in. I feel the leap of 'Should I share?' Every time I do, my chest feels just a bit lighter. After I have gotten over the fear of being misunderstood. The fear of being seen, preparing myself to be ridiculed. That has never happened. I have always found that on the other side of vulnerability comes strength.

Taking your problems out of the dark shame pocket that you have hidden them in and popping them into the light is a brave thing to do! What's really interesting is that in isolation we are convinced our problems are awful. That we have some rare and special set of 'issues'. But when your problem pops its head into the daylight and sits alongside other people's problems - yours suddenly doesn't seem so bad!
I love the idea that if we all put our problems into the centre of a room, on seeing everyone else's, we would run in and take ours back. Our problems are ours. We have created workarounds and systems to support them. Some people are very attached to their problems. It's as if they do not want them solved! They have become part of their identity. The problem has moved into its own room at your house!

A trouble shared is a trouble halved. At last week's retreat, we sat in circles. We sat together and held a space. A space for people to be open. A space for people to lean into and feel understood.

Think about the problems you want no one to know about. Who could you share them with? Who could half your headache?