Breaking Down Or Breaking Through

Are you breaking down or breaking through?

I remember as a child hearing that a family member had had a 'breakdown' - I thought about it for days. I had no idea what it actually meant and was desperate to get an image or some info that my brain could make sense of.

Officially, a breakdown means to become physically, mentally and/or emotionally overwhelmed by the stress of life. There is an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.

If you have been reading my blogs for a while, you will know that I am a ridiculously positive person. And I am about to be positive about having a breakdown! - You have been warned. Here we go:

Breakdowns can often be wonderful opportunities to "break through." They can be catalysts for major change in life, circumstances or just how we see the world. Having a breakdown involves either being pushed or allowing yourself to sit at the bottom. To be metaphorically 'bare bum on the floor'. You lose the ability to keep calm and carry on. You no longer have any air in any of your tires.

Sometimes we give up - other times we give in. 

We give in to the pressure and admit 'no more'. It's like an overload switch has been flicked and you are moved into emergency status. We are forced to admit that everything is not 'fine', that we are fucked. That we have problems bigger than ourselves and that we can no longer do it alone.

We are forced to get help, accept kindness and support. There is a forced allowing that happens. The stuff that you may have been hiding from the world spills out. Shit gets messy. We are forced to clean up all the shit that has escaped from under our rug of pretending.

The wonderful thing after these big life events is that you never go back to normal. In my experience, after major disruption, grief, or tragedy hits you, you never return to the same person you were. You are not meant to. These events are designed to stretch, pull, push and flatten you. They are learning experiences. They allow us to be raw, ripped open. They force us to connect and confide. To connect to what really matters and confide our feelings, thoughts and fears to those around us.

You change and you grow. A new you comes from the shattered remains of your old world. It's ok to be still for as long as you need but eventually you work out that the only way is forward.

Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow by Elizabeth Lesser is the book I recommend most often to people going through tough times.

“How strange that the nature of life is change, 
yet the nature of human beings is to resist change. 
And how ironic that the difficult times we fear might ruin us 
are the very ones that can break us open and help us blossom 
into who we were meant to be.”

If you know someone going through a tough time, walk towards them. Lean into their mess. Sit next to them. Don't try and fix them or solve anything. Stay with them. Wait while the light comes back. 

Time is a healer and love is a friend.