World Menopause Day
This Friday is World Menopause Day!
Before you decide that this blog doesn't relate to you - read on!
Maybe you are miles away from menopause, maybe you are way past it, maybe you have no idea about anything menopausal!
Menopause affects everyone! As a child, I remember tip-toeing around on eggshells not wanting to tip my Mother over. I know men who are living in fear of their partners who have appeared to have personality transplants overnight!
Let's have a look at what Menopause is:
It's basically reverse puberty. Your hormones shift and change as women transform into their third act.
Act 1: 0-25 years - Growing, learning and exploring.
This is our maiden phase. We are learning about our bodies and ourselves. Who we are and what we want.
Act 2: 25-50 years - Gathering, developing and creating.
This is our Mother phase (regardless of whether we reproduce or not).
We are building and gathering. Creating homes and families. Getting careers and houses. Focusing our energy on gathering all these things can lead to a loss of self - sometimes waking up with no idea who we are or what we want.
Act 3: 50 - 75 years - Resolving, simplifying and loving.
This is our Crone phase! It's time for a rejig.
It can feel scary - it is incredibly disruptive and it can even feel destructive!
I love change and have actually enjoyed parts of the menopause process. It is like your body goes through a business restructure. It is designed to disrupt and disturb you! It helps you to get incredible clarity about what is important to you. It's a wake-up call that you are heading into Act 3 of your life. Time is running out!
I do not believe that menopause is something that needs to be fixed. It is not a problem that needs to be solved. It is a transition that deserves honouring.
What helps?
Physically, menopause is demanding and I have found a few things that were essential to keep me sane:
Fans - beside your bed, on your desk and in your handbag!
Clary Sage Oil - rubbed on the back of your neck, this helps with power surges, calmness and clarity.
Diet changes - removing alcohol and red meat dramatically reduced my liver load which helped reduce overheating and increase sleep!
Daily stretching and rest - giving your body attention and space during any transition is important. Be gentle and kind!
Mindset - this is a phase. Thinking of menopause as an opportunity rather than a curse will help no end. It's a wonderful opportunity to listen to your body, to get in touch with yourself and to redesign your world to suit YOU.
"Menopause demands that each one of us clears out of our lives whatever is no longer essential to our inner being, whether this is possessions, relationships or jobs - anything that does not help us grow and fulfil our deepest needs. It is the dark goddess that gives us the motivation to change and brings us the power to be able to carry it out".
Leslie Kenton - "Passage to Power"
I know women who crave solitude, who want to withdraw to reconnect with themselves. Often misunderstood as depression when women give themselves permission to 'go with' the journey of menopause, they become better. They reconnect with who they are and what they now want.
They can step into a space where they care less about what previously drove them. Being in service, self-sacrifice and the opinions of others become less and less relevant.
How can you support someone during perimenopause/menopause?
Be gentle.
Ask questions.
Do not expect them to be 'the same'.
Don't judge.
Expect things to get weird!
Just as we are generous to our friends and family going through puberty, we need to allow the same softness during menopause. Supporting people when they change is one of the most loving things we can offer as humans. When people in our lives change, it often 'doesn't suit' us.
You might have a woman in your life whose fuse is shorter, her chin whiskers are longer, her body feels foreign to her. Loving her while she navigates all these is kind and generous especially when she is possibly one of the people who has loved you the most throughout all your life's ups and downs!
"The doorway into menopause is a call to adventure. There are hidden treasures to match our wildest dreams. Like very prone worst having, these riches can only be claimed if a woman is bold enough and persistent enough to answer the call. What is calling? Nothing less than her own soul."
Leslie Kenton