The Cost of Care

Caring is defined as kindness and concern.

The tricky bit is when you become a carer. Someone who is providing care for someone who cannot care for themselves.

I had the privilege of caring for my friend, Kerry, a few years ago. He had a stroke and ended up with dementia. Each time I saw him, we would play a game and I would ask him who I was - he would always reply with, "You are my minister of happiness!” What a title! He used to introduce me as his minister of happiness, as it was my job to keep him happy and to help him navigate the things that made him unhappy.

Unfortunately, there came a time when Kerry’s care was no longer in my capabilities. He needed full-time support and help with nearly everything. I reminded Kerry that while my main role as the minister of happiness was to keep him happy, I also had a very important portfolio as the minister of safety. I had to explain to him that with that hat on, we needed to make some big decisions.

Decisions about the care he needed, decisions about where and how he wanted to live.

No one wants to give up their independence or see their loved ones' rights removed but unfortunately, more and more of us are faced with providing care that really is outside our wheelhouse.

It's a difficult and emotional time. It can be confusing. The systems are tricky and in my experience, the line is not a straight one. Being a carer is about support and kindness. The role of an advocate is about support and assertiveness, there are questions to be asked, decisions to be made. Kindness and assertiveness can be a tricky balance. I constantly asked myself what would kindness do? And what would assertiveness do?

Caring is hard work. 
Looking after yourself is vital. 
Asking for help is essential. 
Asking questions is crucial.

If you are caring for someone this Christmas, take some space for YOU! Allow yourself to take a moment to acknowledge the huge and amazing job you are doing.